Study Hell

I'm afraid I can't do this!  I wonder if any other 1L has ever said that.  It's funny, too, cause at school there are 2 types of people - those who love to complain about how hard it all is and how much work we all have and those who empathize with you, giving off the impression that they have no idea what I am feeling.

Here's my take on that - ALL 1L's are stressed out!  I am sorry, but there is simply NO WAY anyone could be feeling like this is easy.  Even those who did well on the mid terms or memos so far HAVE to know how hard these finals are going to be, right??  Personally, I think the real two categories should be:  Those who realize how insanely hard all of this is but are hiding it brilliantly, and Those who fly their "I'm freaking out" freak flag high in the sky, for all to see!!! 

Unfortunately, I have fallen in to category two!  I don't particularly enjoy complaining - I tend to consider myself quite optimistic, actually, but these last 3 months have been one fat kick in the teeth after another!  Every day or two I catch myself saying, "Seriously?!?!?!?  I cannot take ANOTHER crappy thing happening to me!!"  and then sure enough one more crap-ass thing happens!!  Yet, here I am, little Mary sunshine, back again, ready to take another punch!

I am SOO determined to master this - to beat the odds - to prove to one and all I CAN DO THIS!!!  Problem is, I am running out of time and I feel like I need another month!  There are a few in my section who I, damn me for saying this, almost can't stand simply because they seem to have their shit together!!  That makes me feel like an asshole just saying it outloud!!  Who am I to begrudge someone their right to having this all figured out?!?!  There's this one girl, let's call her PP (Perfect Polly) - she has by the classic definition her SHIT TOGETHER!!  I mean it's disgusting!  She is gorgeous, atheletic, smart, always prepared, not nervous at all, sleeps a lot, probably has a cute boyfriend too - the BITCH!!  :)

PP drives me NUTS!!  I would like to be friends with her, but clearly I am below her standards!  She is no bitch, don't get me wrong, I mean that is part of what annoys me - she's really nice!!!  I shouldn't be her friend - all I really want is to understand how she does it!!!  She really has the whole school/play balance down pat!

History tells us, those like PP are not always at the top of their class at grade time - we shall see!!!  I keep hearing from Professors and this seminar I went to that mid term grades don't matter -even those that say they count for 20% of grade.  Everyone says that if you get an A on final, doesnt matter what other grade you got - you get an A!  So, that is all I am thinking about.  Except for legal writing, I REALLY still have a chance!  I want that so bad! 

Reasons for wanting top grades:
1.  Transfer to NW
2.  Scholarships
3.  Journals
4.  Moot Court
5.  Judicial Externship
6.  Perkins
7.  To truly feel like I belong

Much more on all that later...I MUST OUTLINE!!!!!!!